William Shakespeare really said it best, didn’t he? Uh, the confusion and torment in my life right now because of frickin’ Kate Middleton! But really, what is a gal with mild interest in the royal wedding and a UGE gigantic hair-crush on the future Queen of England to do?! Sure, I like a good romance and all, and parades are fun, but I also really (really) like sleeping. Would it have killed Kate and Wills to have tied the knot a few hours later and helped some American sistas out? Not that I have any idea what I’m talking about, but FOR REAL who gets married at 11am? Old people? I hate the morning—dark circles, puffy faces, morning head fog. I mean, thanks, but no thanks. I’m getting married at 8 o’clock at night, after I wake up from a nap. People in England will just have to stay up late if they want to watch.
I really haven’t been planning on getting up to watch. At all. I figured buying a thick stack of magazines commemorating the event—and a pint of strawberry Haagan-Daz—would do the trick, preferably after getting a Kate-like classy pink pedicure and then settling onto a sun-warmed couch to flip pages and daydream. But last night my boyfriend was eating a hot pastrami sub and watching SportsCenter and very casually was like, “you’re getting up for the royal wedding, right?” and I was like, “no…I think PEOPLE magazine in a few days will suffice” and he seemed sincerely disappointed at my lack of enthusiasm. It was like he was under the impression that I would not only be arising for the damn thing, but I’d be doing it in full-out, pretend-I’m-actually-there costume (clearly a fitted pastel summer suit and a fabulous hat), while eating crumpets and slamming back Earl Grey teas and probably weeping throughout. (Also, my boyfriend totally has a crush on Prince William.) AND THEN JUST NOW MikeTomlin emailed me asking if we were getting up to watch it tomorrow morning! I mean, if a Steelers fan is getting up when it’s still dark out to witness this explosion of love and beauty and “but is she too thin?” (it is still dark outside at 5 a.m., right?) I may have to give in and join her…
Uh, royal wedding peer-pressure: doesn’t come around too often, but when it does, it’s the worst!
PS; I’m totally going to stand out in the rain when I’m fifty and Wills and Kate are finally visiting Boston and I will swat away toddlers to hand Kate some flowers and tell her I watched her get married on my laptop in my pjs. And yes, I will probably cry.